Pointless Rambling

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

FOR SCIENCE - Can You Roll Your Tongue?

annikath:

Can you roll your tongue like this? image
If you CAN, then please REBLOG.
This is for serious science! because I have an assignment in my biology class to do a survey on how many people can or cannot roll their tongues.
If you CANNOT roll your tongue like that, then please FAVOURITE this post!
you can de-favourite the post or delete it from your blog in about two weeks if you desire to do so, but I plead you to take part in this survey of serious sience! thank

(via forever-thatsthewholepoint)

hopephd:

Seizure First Aid. 

Learn it. Share it. Know it. Use it. 

(via littlepotsoftoastedeath)

queermosexuallama:

onawingandaswear:

Hello all, so this is my dad, and he’s planning on cosplaying as Rescue Captain America at San Diego Comic-Con this year.

Here’s the problem: He’s 53 and he thinks he might be too old to cosplay. In addition, he thinks he’s not buff/handsome enough to pull it off a Captain America costume. So even though he’s put a ton of work into his cosplay, he’s thinking about not taking any of it with us.

I’ve set out to prove him wrong, so tumblr, please help me show this retired Air Force officer that he makes a great Captain America!

Do it!!!

(via andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels)

livebloggingmydescentintomadness:

i didn’t know what to do

(via letsboldlygomotherfuckers)